Hoy escuché un poema hermoso de Jae Nichelle,
I think the reason my relationships don't work out
no sé quien es, tengo ganas de saber más de ella.
En su poema describe mi vida en todos los aspectos.
Hace unos días salí a comer con alguien y me pasó
lo mismo, pedí algo de comer pero al final me trajeron
otra cosa, no dije nada, y siempre me pasa lo mismo.
Hace mucho tiempo, recuerdo que me daba pena decir:
"si", sí me ofrecían aunque sea un vaso con agua, o
"no", apensar de no querer algo,
poco a poco lo he ido controlando eso, pero ha sido
un proceso muy largo.
I don't correct people at restaurant who get my order wrong
I just eat it cause you know maybe these sweet potato fries is what i wanted
but the brocoli you gave me is what I needed, thank you
Hace unos meses viví entre muchos estudiantes
y no sabía cuando saludar y cuando lo intenté
saludé a una persona como 10 veces en un día,
me dejó de saludar evidentemente,
pero por fin alguien entiende eso.
Pero es algo con lo que llevo luchando toda mi
vida, conocer a alguien en una platica y cuando
hay un encuentro me escondo, aveces, generalmente.
because of her
i'll take the long way to my building to avoid someone
already passed by twice, because i don't know if it's acceptable to say
"hey!" a third time.
Conocí a un chico que me encantaba, y si,
me recordó a mi exnovio cuando dormiamos juntos,
me enamoré, pero dentro de mi siempre he tenido
la sensación que no soy lo suficiente.
De hecho, ya acepté que tal vez esté toda mi vida
sola.
I take the long way to my building to avoid someone who
kind looked like my ex boyfriend becuause whenever i hand her the aux cord
she makes sure to playback all the times he told me no one else would ever want me
I think the reason my relationships don't work out
is because no one knows they're singing up for
a threesome
I understand
Recuerdo en preparatorio que tuve conflictos con
una "amiga"que declaró que siempre estaré sola
por no estar en los problemas, pero no sé como
reaccionar entre peitos, gritos, no puedo y
ahora lo entiendo.
I know how hard it is to live with both of us
when we dont like feeling out of control
when we dont handle conflict well
when we dont handle being yelled at well
Me pasa todo el tiempo, me considero una
sobre pensadora, en todo, siempre tengo varios
escenarios y al final nunca sé que decir-
when everything you say to us will be repeated
and deconstructed and analyzes in our head
a million times after and If I am silent for a while
Y sigo pensando, pensando y reprensando,
buscando razones, motivos, reviviendo una y
otra vez lo mismo, qué hice mal y cada día tengo
teorias nuevas
It is because i have to fight with her
before i can fight with you
I0ve tried to cut her off before
i can not
we do not handle separation well
because of our parents
I mean our ex
I mean our friends
breath
so i guess
éste poema ha sido para mi un descubrimiento
hermoso, alguien por fin pudo transformar en
palabras mi vida y entendiéndola por fin.
Es un camino arduo, solitario...
Poema completo (lo siento si hay algún error,
según yo está bien, pero pasan días o meses
y me doy cuenta de que cambie letras o me
las comí)
"so, my anxiety and I have what some people may call
a friend with benefit relationship.
we have no love for each other but she still just like
fuck with me sometimes.
we move in together some years ago
we have inside jokes
like when i say: I'm a go to talk to that person over there
my anxiety looks to me like: bitch please
My anxiety is the reason i didn't talk to you
she is possesive
she doesn't like me to talk to other people
she is irrational
because of her
i'll take the long way to my building to avoid someone
already passed by twice, because i don't know if it's acceptable to say
"hey!" a third time.
because of her
I don't correct people at restaurant who get my order wrong
I just eat it cause you know maybe these sweet potato fries is what i wanted
but the brocoli you gave me is what I needed, thank you
because of her
I take the long way to my building to avoid someone who
kind looked like my ex boyfriend becuause whenever i hand her the aux cord
she makes sure to playback all the times he told me no one else would ever want me
because of her
I still think no one else will ever want me
I constantly wonder,
what happens to a black girl, who is too anxious to ever feel like magic?
can she still fly?
can she still be fly with wings that tremble?
can se forget the lifestyle of an ant that feeling that no matter what she does
she is un danger of being crushed
And my anxiety doesn't like to be made into metaphors
but what i'm trying to say is
she is constantly reminding me of how easy I am
to crush as I speak
I am pushing against her
weight on my shoulders and that is why I
shakes sometimes I have to fight to stand up straight
stop rocking
she and I picked out this outfit together
something that dries fast
if i am sweating
it is because doing this poem feels like fighting
a boxing match that you can't even see
and I am determined to
knock
her
out
I have been fighting her for control of our house for years
fighting not to crack,
stop rocking,
don't shake
breath
I think the reason my relationships don't work out
is because no one knows they're singing up for
a threesome
I understand
I know how hard it is to live with both of us
when we dont like feeling out of control
when we dont handle conflict well
when we dont handle being yelled at well
when everything you say to us will be repeated
and deconstructed and analyzes in our head
a million times after and If I am silent for a while
It is because i have to fight with her
before i can fight with you
I0ve tried to cut her off before
i can not
we do not handle separation well
because of our parents
I mean our ex
I mean our friends
breath
so i guess
my anxiety and I have just learned to live together
she's the longest relationship I have ever had
and as everyone leaves
she is the only relationship that I can count on
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